Rowyn's Thoughts

Disclaimer: Rowyn would never keep a journal. No paper trails for her, thank you. But, she does have opinions about her fellow travelers, and is struggling with difficult issues at the moment. Because her player has the inability to organize her thoughts without writing them down, … her thoughts are being written down … out of character, in character …

Rowyn’s thoughts on the party

Ranu-Yani and Kyo are my closest friends in the party, although Ranu-Yani seems somewhat aloof and disconnected from the world. While I do trust her and enjoy her company, I can’t really talk to her and expect a relevant response.

Kyo is my confidante, and I hope that she trusts me as well. She was the only one I told about my past, and I am so glad it did not cause her to think poorly of me. She always tries her hardest for the rest of the party, even when she didn’t know much about us. She is a genuinely good person, and she helps me see the good in the world. Although, I’m not entirely sure I would like her father that much.

Torra puzzles me. She admitted she was a spell thief, and explained her silence as wanting to gain our trust without the connotation of the word “thief”. Truthfully, the fact that she’s a thief, be it a spell thief or otherwise, does not bother me. Many of my friends growing up are very successful thieves now. At least, I hope they are. Anyway, I’m more concerned about her connections, and her intentions toward the party. I rather like our odd collection of people, and I don’t want her to mess it up. Also, her newly realized skills worry me. No normal person can use a portal to another plane like that. I just have to hope that everything will be explained in the end.

Aldi. I don’t think there’s anything secret about that woman. She wears her heart on her sleeves and talks to everyone. Not always politely, either. That gets us into trouble sometimes. I wish she would learn to think before she speaks. She is rather funny, which reminds me of my friends, although her humor is more honest. I just wonder what she thinks of me now that she knows my past. Her moral code is even stricter than mine, and I don’t think she’s very accepting of those that kill or steal because they were ordered to.

Chastity doesn’t ruffle me as much as she does the rest of the party, with the exception of Torra. My mother was a prostitute, and in the commune, we encountered many individuals with Chastity’s hobby. She is very useful in the party, and seems to be on our side, although I don’t understand how she can flirt with our enemies like that. Eh, it’s her life. Since we’ve been in the Abyss, though, she seems to be going through some sort of trouble. I just hope she’ll be able to continue. I don’t know how the party would do without her.

Eztli and I get along rather well, and I’m still sorry about what happened to his wolf companion, Meztli. I hope Meztli can forgive me eventually. Eztli seems like an honest guy, very similar to Aldi, but doesn’t seem as … vocal about his moral code, thank Ehlonna. Although, for a ranger, he doesn’t seem to like ranged fighting. And I would love to see what he does when everything settles down. He seems like an interesting fellow.

I’m not too fond of Derse. Oh, I respect him a great deal, and he has his uses, but … I just don’t like him. It could be his size. How can he move around with all that bulk? And I’m sure he has absolutely no finesse for anything. But he can take and give a lot of damage, and he will never betray the party (unless the party betrays him first). I suppose we’ll just have to learn to get along.

Rowyn’s Identity Crisis

Why did Lieg and the others do that? How can they mutate their bodies like that? Or join those forces? I know that they aren’t the best people in the world, but … they’re still my, well, my family. Would that have happened to me if I had stayed? Lieg said something like that, and perhaps that is why I managed to evade them for so long.

For so long, I’ve thought of myself as one of them, even after leaving and deciding to follow Ehlonna. After all, that is where I was brought up, and we were taught to value each other over all else, at least, when the laws allowed it. That’s what got me into trouble in the first place. Gah! I have to stop thinking about that. It happened, move on. Maybe it’s time to let them go. But I can’t do that! Regardless of what they look like or chose to do, they are still my family! And even if Lieg and the others were trying to kill us, they had no choice! Lieg even told me to go, so that he wouldn’t have to kill me. That means he still cares, right? Ok, so that is a bit twisted. If he really cared, then he wouldn’t have fought in the first place, right? But … if he didn’t fight, he would have died anyway, as well as the rest of them. Better me, the traitor, and strangers he didn’t know than all of them. I understand that, but if he knew what he was doing was wrong, why did he do it in the first place?

What do I do now? Lieg, whom I’ve always loved like a father, told me to forget them, to leave them. I don’t want to, but they aren’t really my family anymore, are they? They’ve changed too much. I should pray about this. It’s interesting that although I’m a cleric, and I have been for nearly half of my life, it took me this long to pray about this.

Ehlonna, guardian of the woodlands, please hear your humble servant.

My family has made a terrible choice, and I do not know who I am anymore. Even though I’ve been trying to hide my past from everyone and my life has been threatened by them, I still care for them. Is that wrong?

Forgive me for my infidelity. I have not been true to your path and teachings, and have clung to the past. I humbly beseech your guidance in my time of strife.

The closest thing I have to a father, the gnome Lieg, has done something unspeakable and unforgivable, altering his natural form into a demonic beast. He has always been my role model, even though he did not help me when I fled the commune. I know that he still cares about me, and that he wishes for my happiness.

With my family, the most important thing in my mortal life, gone, should I continue to value my past actions?

A few moments pass, and Ehlonna guides Rowyn to an answer.

Thanks be to you, Keeper of the oak and ash, Nurturer of creatures both great and small.

End of prayer.

I must let go of my past as an assassin and fully embrace my present and future as a cleric of Ehlonna. I am grateful for my experiences and relationships, but it is time I moved on.

Rowyn's Thoughts

The Savage Tide Lilykit